show me a man
Show me a man who has never pushed when someone said no
Who has never covered up violence
Who has never sheltered an abuser
Who has never been so afraid to face the truth that he turned his back
Show me a man who has never made of someone soft, an inanimate thing
by ignoring voice
or choice
or humanity
Who has never seen a body as an object to own
Who has never seen a mind as a barrier to break
Show me a man who has never let his friend take the drunk girl home
Who has never lied about his past relationships,
his partner, the last time he was tested
Who has never covered for a friend caught in these lies
Show me a man who doesn’t brag about sex with partners who wouldn’t say the same
Show me a man who doesn’t see Asian or Latinx or Black or Middle Eastern
and think of our mouths as spices to taste
Our bodies are not a trip down the ethnic aisle at the grocery store
You cannot sample us
Show me a man who notices when someone needs a ride home
or needs someone to interrupt unwanted advances, or an alibi, or a safe place
but doesn’t get angry when a survivor did not accept these things
Who doesn’t blame a survivor for someone else’s actions
Show me a man who doesn’t ask “Why didn’t she leave?”
but instead, “Why didn’t he love?”
Show me a man who doesn’t take it personally
when a woman puts up her guard around him
Show me a man who doesn’t make excuses when his advances are unwanted
Who doesn’t say
“I was just trying to be polite. Don’t flatter yourself,” when rejected
Who doesn’t say
“You’re ugly anyway,” when catcalls solicit scowls
Show me a man who understands Captain Save-A-Hoe
deserves a dishonorable discharge
Who respects sex work with as much ferocity as he abhors sex trafficking
Show me a man who knows the difference
Show me a man who has never forged the past into battle axe
out of anger at someone he’s supposed to love
Show me a man, gay or straight,
who doesn’t think his opinion of a woman’s body is needed
Show me a man who has never responded with interrogation
when gifted the opportunity to listen
Show me a man who has never stayed neutral
When neutral means staying silent instead of saying “I believe you”
When neutral means not admitting fault
When neutral means you get to
bump to the same music
read the same books
pay the same artists
watch the same movies
laugh at the same jokes
tailgate the same playoffs
attend the same classes
vote for the same politicians
and never change your mind
This is not a call-out this is a call-in
Survivors are not just sisters, mothers, daughters, sons, girlfriends, boyfriends, cousins
Survivors are human beings
Abusers are brothers, fathers, sons, daughters, boyfriends, girlfriends, cousins
When you say “boys will be boys,” how are you defining “boy”?
To condone “boys will be boys” is to condemn men
Boys are 30% more likely to flunk or drop out than girls
1 in 20 boys experience abusive sexual experiences before age 18
but are even less likely than girls to report it
We teach men that carelessness is confidence
but a carefree man is liberated by a clear conscience
80% of violent crime arrests are men
80% of people arrested for offenses against families and children are men
90% of convicted murderers are men
while 86% of homicide victims age 10-24 years old are boys
How can you let a man poison himself with toxicity?
How can you let someone squeeze into a definition so narrow it’s suffocating?
Love without accountability doesn’t add up
How can you love someone while denying his capacity for love?
Do you not believe men capable of being better
than everything mentioned in these lines?
Who really hates men?
When you say “I’m one of the nice guys,” who are you comparing yourself too?
Who have you allowed to burn so that their smoke would screen your intentions?
Love men by believing they are capable of so much more
than our shelter allows them to be
Show me a man who has chosen to grow instead of growl
and I will show you a feminist, an ally
someone with a backbone, a real man
What does it take to teach a community
to hold him accountable?
to hold him when he’s too afraid to admit he’s afraid?
Real men transcend the confines of violence
Release the pressure of repression before it
explodes
To atone is to be at one with those you have harmed
at one with your inner being
at one with your community
What does it take to teach a community
to hold a man from every side?